Thursday, April 21, 2011

It's A Grand Texas Show




One thing I really enjoy during this time of year and throughout the fall is the different flowers that come into bloom in Texas. I know people look at them and have thoughts of sneezing and wheezing and with my allergies I have every right to feel the same. The fact of the matter is I don’t. There is a subtle and sometimes dramatic beauty that changes throughout the growing season as they put on a grand performance, one that paints the landscape in magnificent colors.

Some of the first flowers to take stage around here are the Bluebonnets. This little blue lady has every right to be the show opener as the State Flower. These flowers spread through large fields as they mirror the blue sky above. In the Texas wind they nearly appear as endless waves. She is a young maiden who skips lightly through the spring fields. As she does, she gives off a radiance of rebirth and awakens the audience’s eyes to her playful flirtation. One will find a sizable playground of blue for your amusement perfect for a lover’s picnic. Make sure you bring your camera for this blue carpet star is not shy and loves to be in pictures with her admirers.

As spring turns to summer the landscape progresses into a mixed pallet of various plants battling for center stage. During this act on discovers the suitors, clowns and villains. The Hedge Binweed has a beautiful pink flower that scatters itself about. It’s a playful flower that takes over large hilly areas while amusing its spectators. Along with this jovial performer enters the blue, white, and purple wild onion blooms. Their aroma adds a distinctive flavor that spices up the act. Around a dark corner on a rooting tree stump a shady character creeps into sight. One must be careful not to touch this gentleman for he will sabotage all who come too close. He is a handsome but cruel individual strutting his small white flowers neatly tucked into a vest made of three shiny wax-like leaves. Mr. Poison Ivy creeps over the stage with plans to steal the show.

In the wake of all this action gallops a hero. He is one of my favorite performers. Arriving on cue in the early summer and performing well into fall his act blankets fields just like the Bluebonnet. He is clothed in colors that remind us of the Indians that use to call the plains, valleys, and hills of Texas home. The Indian Blanket, which is also known as the Fire Wheel, gives a burning performance of red and yellow as he takes control of the stage. Bees, butterflies, wasp, bunnies and birds will fly and hop giving their supporting roles as lovers racing through the prairie. Mixed in this dance are the White and Pink Clover. Eventually the clover and the fiery blanket compete for the lover’s attention as they both take center stage.

Just as one thinks that these small beautiful flowers have monopolized the stage they become the set for two of summer’s most awaited performers. Rising up from the multi-colored surroundings of red, yellow and white is a very strong and tall performer. These performers stretch their talents upwards towards the lights and then they take the audience by surprise with large yellow blooms as the Sunflowers greet the audience. It does not matter if these great performers stand alone or in a field nearly neck high, they demands attention. One will find abundance of life giving a supporting role to their act. Hummingbirds and finches fly in and out of these great fields. Then as one looks down towards the ground these giants provide a shaded refuge for those that cannot take the heat of the summer spotlight.

As the summer winds down and the third act of fall starts, the royal lady Thistle takes her proper place in the story. With colors of purple she looks over her kingdom as it prepares for the winter. She does her part by supplying seeds to many of her subjects before calling it a goodnight as the curtain lowers to a sold out show. Until next season she bids you farewell.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Wallet Growing Plastic




Have you looked in your wallet lately? I cleaned mine out a few weeks ago. I was amazed at how much plastic was in there that was not a debit or credit card. Face it, wallets were built and designed to hold money, credit/debit cards, and identification but now everywhere you go business want to give you their rewards card. They give us this card so they can save us money as loyal customers. I never heard so much cow dung. The resulting fact is if you don’t get their card they will screw you by forcing you to by marked up merchandise.

These are just some of the cards I found in my wallet: Best Buy Reward Zone, PetsMart PetPerks, Tom Thumb Rewards, Petco P.A.L.S, Kroger Plus, Brookshire’s, EDGE Game Stop, ExtraCare CVS/pharmacy, Office Depot, My Sonic. This is just about an inch worth of cards. You heard me, one inch. This doesn’t include I.D. Cards, money cards, insurance cards, or heaven forbid I might have cash in my wallet.

The million dollar question is how do you put all of this in a wallet without breaking it at the seams, or having the back pocket turned into a weird deformed lump on my buttocks. How soon would that make me a target of a good mugging? Afterward the mugger would probably get irritated because it all discount club cards. Have a heyday with that, bozo. Make sure to use them all. I need the reward points.

Now I realize you can get the key-chain tags. Are we really going to go there? I thought not. A whole inch worth of discount tags on your chain. Yeah, well you must be yanking mine. I mean, this is really a joke.

You can even scan them into your phone, and just pull out the app as needed. That’s right, let people know you have financial information on your phone. With this device they do not even have to mug you just use one of those scanning thingamajig and they got all your information. I think I want an app that fries any machine trying to steal from my electronics. Unfortunately you might get sued for booby-trapping your merchandise from unlawful use. Other than the state of our economy, this is a pretty good sign that the criminals are running things when we risk prosecution for protecting our items and/or ourselves.

You know, I am not even sure what all these cards do. For instance I do not remember ever getting a discount from the PETCO card. I just went to their website and it tells me I am saving money on a wide range of items throughout their store… Apparently I just do not know how much I am saving. Good thing they were able to tell me. I guess I need to keep this card.

I have also been told that stores use these for tracking purposes so they know what people are buying and what to keep in stock. The card tells them that? Do they think we are morons? Their daily, weekly and monthly sales and inventory gives them that information. If it doesn’t they are the morons using the governmental monetary and product tracking system that is supporting our nation. Simply these cards are the easiest way to get you on a mailing list, and eventually no matter what they say this information will most likely be sold to other data collection facilities that will be sold to mass marketers.

I would boycott using these cards starting today, but I know many of them bring merchandise down to what it should cost. It’s not like I think I am getting a great buy but I at least know I’m not paying the supper inflated price that non-members pay. So, I guess in the end what we need is someone to re-invent the wallet. A wallet that will shrink these cards down to just one. Because I really do not care how many cards I have just that I get the best deals and that I do not feel like I’m sitting on an uncomfortable booster seat. A discounted booster at that.

(C)Jonathan S. Brooks 04-19-11 (Picture Unknown Artist)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Happy Taxation Day



So taxes are coming around the corner and you and I both want to know what in the (profanity) are they doing with the money? Is it so they can take a vacation when they shut the government down? Maybe it is to pay off the debt? Wow, I just made a joke. I got it the FED wants to give financially secure people self imposed bonuses. The honest truth is I do not know where our income tax goes and I'm not sure those collecting it do either. Yes I have looked at the graphs and the numbers and I tell you what we voted devious people into office for way too many years for any of it to start making sense now. The sad part is I doubt we are going to start making any corrections to the government scam any time soon. So instead of complaining about it and/or the government let's do something constructive, let's talk about dogs.

Dogs welcome us home no matter what we have done. They lick our faces right after licking... Let's not talk about dogs. How about cats. Cats will jump up in our lap, purr, and then rip the hell out... no, no... no good. Let's find another topic. Babies are great... nothing wrong here. They are cute, loud, need changing and keep you awake... Darn, I thought I had a winner.

Well that proves it. It's the national IRS holiday and it causes even the best of things to stink. Until it is over I will struggle to think good thoughts. Let's open the window, get some fresh air... is that a skunk? Oh, nothing that good. Just a political ad on the radio.... Happy taxation day.

(C) Jonathan S. Brooks 04/06/11
Picture Unknown Artist

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Just Shoot It !



During a sleep deprived night I stumbled across a picture of a cassette tape and an old cell phone both sitting on a bench and talking to one another. What did you say? No I’m not taking any drugs. Well… actually yes I am, but they’re doctor approved. The cell phone was ancient at least 3 years old, and we know that cassettes are the prehistoric offspring of records. I think the phone might have been a Razor. No… not the one you shave with, the one you talk with. Now the cassette was saying “Back in the Day I was…” This seemed to be a sensible statement from a cassette, because nowadays they just come unraveled as form of self expression. Of course that is a problem with many of the aging when not receiving proper internal care. They seem to get all backed up and then release it all at once. You know what I mean.

Are ya’ll still stuck on the talking tape, or is me taking medication? Shoot, I have a phone that can talk, remind me what to do, can unlock my car and much more. So a talking tape is child’s play. I also remember one time when the walls where breathing… I was on doctor subscribed drugs then too, but I’m sure the talking tape was not drug induced. This conversation is starting to make me feel a little like Alice. One pill makes you smaller… those were Strange Days, a great movie but not applicable to the conversation.

Now where were we… the aging of technology? Old technology is truly mistreated. When it is bought every one brags about the new great item they have received and within a few short years you can’t give it away. Worse yet like most people it just cannot adapt to the quickly changing protocols that are needed for proper modern day functioning. Yes for a while you can boost it up and do a few up dates. But in the end it becomes as useful as a rock never functioning the way it did when it was younger, only to await the inevitable solution of abandonment for a quicker, sleeker, and better performing model. So next time you notice an old worn out paper weight remember that you use to treat it like it was magnificent and now it is waiting broken hearted for you to return. Since that is not going happen just shoot it and put it out of its misery. It is the kind thing to do.

(C)Jonathan S. Brooks 04-0-11